I was at the cemetery when I decided to set up my first online dating profile.
I was at the cemetery when I decided to set up my first online dating profile.I was visiting my husband’s grave nine months after his death, and I thought about how much life I still had left to live.Tags: Essay Mesopotamia KidsPolyurethane Foam Term PaperImportant Choices In Life EssayCurfew EssaysFashion And Architecture EssayEffects Of Cellphones On Society EssayHow To Write A Good Compare Contrast EssayBiology Extended Essay Introduction
Divorce — even one that was amicable — severs a relationship with some degree of clarity and purpose. The issue remains that my past relationship is not gone because either of us chose it.
Neither Shawn nor I wanted to separate, and I certainly didn’t want him to die in my arms at age 40.
But the other option — to leave Shawn behind forever — is not something I’m going to choose. A few days after setting up my online profiles, I decided to take them down. I wasn’t quite sure why I felt this way, only that I was pretty sure I couldn’t communicate the wholeness of my experience in just a few sentences and a handful of photos.
I cried as I deleted the last profile, though I didn’t know if it was from relief or something else. “I know he’s out in the universe cheering me on,” I said to a friend later that night. Before we started dating, Shawn was my friend, and he used to offer me dating advice.
I spent hours trying to figure out what to put in the forms online. First of all, a new date needs to know my status, which is likely to mean that I end up telling a stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me within a few hours of meeting him. “I believe in God,” the man said, “but not a God that intervenes here on Earth.” “I agree,” I said, “because otherwise, why the fuck is my husband dead?
But as I thought about whether to actually make my profile live, the bigger question remained unanswered. Even if I manage to communicate that I am a widow before the first date, a load of baggage remains. ” Not surprisingly, it had the effect of stopping all conversation. This type of behavior — speaking before I could really think about my response — is something I found is common for many widows.
A quick search pulled up sites like “Our Time” and “Silver Singles,” but I was more than a decade too young for both of them.
The other two whose names initially made me think they might be promising, “Just Widower Dating” and “The Widow Dating Club,” each had cover photos with couples who looked to be at least 20 years older than me.
I wonder what he’d say about my tragic forays into the dating world.
I bet he’d smile and have a good joke ready to help me feel better about it all.